Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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