Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
