Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
