You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
