can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
