I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
