first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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