dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
