i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
