Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
