Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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