why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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