I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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