just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
