Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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