The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
