Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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