I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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