ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
