nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
