Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
