remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
