I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
