apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
