You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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