Don't make out with my wife yet
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
