Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
