Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
