I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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