im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
