Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
