My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
