nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it was like eating out sand paper
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
