Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
