She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I didn't notice because vodka
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So I just went to clothing optional bar
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
