she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
