Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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