tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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