Just fell off a train. Bad.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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