SEEEEXXX PLEASE
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
