He had one of those small greek statue penises
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
