There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
