bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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