We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
