Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
