forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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