i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
