: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
What a dumb baby whore.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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