Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
