I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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