she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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