When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
